As the days fly by in this last month of 2018, I can't help but wonder what lies ahead. Joy, excitement, trepidation, maybe some relaxation? No matter what's to come, I'm confident the pain and struggle I've endured in 2018 will metamorphose into something beautiful in the new year. Just like an athlete whose been sidelined by a concussion has to go through a rigorous step-by-step process in order to return to contact sports, I also had to take many steps (half-steps, side-steps, and stumbles) to return to living life symptom-free. No recovery would be without set backs, however. A newspaper article or ad on T.V. might set off some painful memories or a conversation with a doctor might stir up emotions I thought I had buried—evidently, not deep enough. Through memory, what was so unbearable at the time has slowly faded into merely a dream of what was. Looking to the future, Jen and I are turning our attention to growing our family, though, as has been the case with many things in our lives, we won't be following a traditional course. This past year, it was extremely difficult to hear our doctors tell us that having a child through natural conception would not be possible. (Jen will write about this more in 2019.) Though there are other ways to have a child through a donor, we decided, through lots of prayer and time spent thinking in nature, that we want to pursue adoption instead. Both of us have so much life experience and wisdom to offer that we want to share this with a child who might not have been dealt the best hand. Even when the cards were against us, Jen and I learned to play the game of life with what we had. We aren't into gambling, but taking a chance on growing our family in this fashion is something we know we'll never regret. Being granted a second, if not third chance is something I don't take lightly, and as a couple, I know we can give a lot back to a child who deserves another chance.
We don't have many details yet; we're just beginning to collect as much information as we can to help us make the right decision. But what we do know is that this holiday season we'll be spending a lot of time thinking about what our family might look like come this time next year. If this last year taught us anything, it's that giving up has no reward. Even if we stumble, we're still moving in the direction of our goal. And even though it feels like we're back to square one with starting a family, we know that's not the truth. It almost feels like Jen and I had to go through this adversity to find out how resilient we are as potential parents first. Sure, there will be myriad times when we want to give up, but when we've already come this far, why throw in the towel when there is so much more living to do? These are the moments when goodwill and positive intentions help the ones who choose to stay in the game. When a marathon runner catches an unexpected fifth wind or when a climber struggles and emerges from an arduous position. It's a matter of staying in the game. As many long-distance hikers say to themselves when the trail is too tough and pain is winning over joy, "You don't give up on a bad day."
So maybe we don't get out skiing or hiking as much as we hope this winter, but we still make it out a couple times. That's a win. And maybe those early mornings waiting to photograph sunrise don't pan out to be as brilliant of a photo as we wanted. That's still a win in our book too. Because we'll continue saying to ourselves we're happy we got to do something rather than we didn't get to do something at all. As one year ends and another begins, we are overwhelmed with the opportunity to start a family. Regardless if it's not how we envisioned, we know we should be grateful that we get to do this at all.
Until next time, peace and love,
Coming Up:
January 2019: Ice Climbing 12 Hours Straight for a Cause
Growing our Roots:
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